How They Do
The Strategy of Manipulation and Control
Pathological abusers don’t operate through impulse. They operate through structure. Every tactic they use—whether passive, aggressive, or performative—is part of a larger strategy to destabilize, dominate, and extract.
Their behavior may look inconsistent to bystanders, but to those trapped in the dynamic, a terrifying pattern eventually emerges: nothing is random. Every word, silence, gesture, and shift in tone is part of the play. And that play is built to win.
This Is Not the “Cycle of Abuse”
Unlike common domestic abuse, which often follows a recognizable cycle—honeymoon, tension, explosion, remorse—pathological abuse is modular. It spins forward, backward, sideways. It skips steps when it suits them and repeats phases when it keeps the victim stuck.
Each phase—idealization, devaluation, discard, hoovering—is not just a reaction. It’s a tactic. If the outcome isn’t working in their favor, they recalibrate and shift tactics mid-phase. This cycle isn’t emotional. It’s strategic.
Tactics, Not Traits
The focus isn’t on which label fits—narcissist, sociopath, psychopath—but on the tactics they use to wear down resistance and ensure control. These tactics are often combined, overlapped, or recycled in sophisticated ways:
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Love bombing to hook.
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Gaslighting to destabilize.
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Projection and blame-shifting to confuse.
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Triangulation to divide.
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Withholding and stonewalling to punish.
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Hoovering to reset the illusion.
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Stalking to maintain omnipresence.
Even apologies and affection can be weaponized. When kindness appears, it’s not repair—it’s leverage. Everything is functional. Everything is extractive.
Mastering the Power Dynamic
Pathological abusers don’t just aim for obedience. They aim for psychological dominance. They don’t want to manage conflict—they want to control perception. And they often succeed, not because the victim is weak, but because the system is rigged to reward manipulation.
Whether in private or public life, they adapt their strategies to the setting. In intimate relationships, they may use trauma bonding to condition loyalty. In professional or political spaces, they may use charm, alliance-building, and smear campaigns to neutralize threats and maintain their image.
This is how Pathological Societal Abuse (PSA) mirrors intimate abuse. It’s the same blueprint—just scaled.
The Goal Is Submission
Every tactic serves one purpose: submission. Not through violence alone, but through cognitive dissonance, emotional dependence, and perceptual confusion.
They want the victim to stop trusting their own memory.
To doubt their instincts.
To collapse into helplessness.
To see the abuser as both the threat and the solution.
And if those methods stop working, they escalate—or shift entirely.
This Is Why Survivors Struggle to Explain It
To outsiders, the behavior looks disjointed. But for the survivor, it’s a closed system. A trap built one strategic move at a time. And while the abuser may switch masks—hero, victim, judge—the underlying structure never changes: domination through manipulation.
What looks like unpredictability is actually precision in disguise.
Their Insidious Tactics
...and yes these are just some of them!
1. Bait and switch: A tactic that involves luring the victim into a situation with promises of something desirable or positive, only to switch it out for something negative or unpleasant instead.
2. Circular conversations: Repeating the same argument without resolving the issue, where conversations feel like they are going around in circles in a nagging way. The purpose is to wear down the victim and prevent them from getting their way.
3. Crazy-making: Making the victim feel like they are losing their mind. The purpose is to sow doubt in the victim's mind so that they will trust the abuser more than themselves.
4. DARVO: Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender. The purpose is to make the victim feel guilty and unsure of themselves, so that they will obey the abuser.
5. Drama triangles: The abuser alternates between playing the victim, judge, and accuser. This creates a situation where the victim constantly has to explain and defend themselves, while the abuser avoids taking responsibility for their own behavior.
By changing their role in the situation, the abuser can manipulate the victim's feelings and perceptions to achieve their own agenda.
6. Flying monkeys: This manipulation tool involves the abuser involving a third party to spread rumors, create drama, and manipulate the victim. The purpose is to destroy the victim's reputation and create conflict and division between the victim and other people in their life. By recruiting others to spread false information, the abuser can maintain control over the victim and ensure that they do not get the support and help they need.
7. Economic violence: Controlling the victim's finances as a means of control. The purpose is to limit the victim's autonomy and force them to be dependent on the abuser.
8. Gaslighting: Manipulating the victim's perception of reality. The purpose is to make the victim doubt their own perception of the world and to feel dependent on the abuser to understand what is happening.
9. Infantilization: Treating someone as if they are much less mature or less intelligent than they actually are, often to gain control over them. The purpose is to make the victim feel powerless, insecure, and dependent on the abuser.
10. Intimidation: Using threats or force to intimidate the victim. The purpose is to make the victim feel afraid and submissive to the abuser.
11. Isolation: Isolating the victim from friends and family to maintain control. The purpose is to limit the victim's support system and force them to be dependent on the abuser.
12. Love bombing: A cunning and insidious cycle of violence in which the abuser first idealizes the victim, then devalues and discards them before attempting to lure them back with false promises. In some cases, resorting to stalking. The cycle is designed to create a sense of dependence and control over the victim, also known as the trauma bond.