top of page

Why They Do It

The Puppeteers

Imagine living with someone who, at one point, made you feel like they were your soulmate, but now their constantly unpredictable and inconsistent behavior leaves you walking on eggshells. Unfortunately, this is the reality for many victims of narcissists, sociopaths, and psychopaths who use intimate relationships to become puppet masters, exerting control and dominance over their partners. ​

 

These pathological abusers manipulate their partners' emotions and actions, turning them into puppets to satisfy their own desires. Victims feel trapped and helpless, always trying to avoid triggering their partner's wrath and constantly striving to please them. It's a devastating experience to feel like your entire existence is being controlled by someone else. ​

 

Different Tactics, Same Goal

While each group shares a tendency to use others for their purposes, their motivations and control tactics can vary. Narcissists often seek validation and admiration from their partners and may use emotional abuse or manipulation to maintain their power. Sociopaths may use a combination of charm, intimidation, and physical abuse to control their partners. In contrast, psychopaths may use more calculated tactics such as mind games, domination, and sexual abuse to dominate their partners.

From Low to No Empathy

There are differences in empathy levels among narcissists, sociopaths, and psychopaths. Narcissists typically have low empathy and may have difficulty understanding and responding to the emotions of others. Sociopaths may have some capacity for empathy and remorse, but typically, their ability to experience these emotions is weak and limited. Additionally, they often lack concern for the emotions of others.  While psychopaths lack empathy, they may have cognitive empathy, enabling them to mimic emotions to manipulate others. Therefore, psychopaths may appear to express empathy, but their motives are often manipulative. ​

Seeking Validation and Admiration

Narcissists have an insatiable need for what is known as "narcissistic supply," which includes validation, admiration, and praise. They constantly seek these forms of supply to reinforce their grandiose self-image and maintain their sense of self-importance. To achieve this, narcissists may resort to abusive behavior and manipulation to gain power and control over their partners, whom they view as mere objects to be exploited for narcissistic supply.

 

By treating their partners in this way, narcissists seek validation and admiration from those around them, regardless of the emotional and psychological toll it takes on their victims. Even though they have a low level of empathy, narcissists may rationalize their abusive behavior as necessary to preserve their inflated sense of self-worth.

Seeking Thrills and Control

Sociopaths are known for their impulsive and thrill-seeking behavior that often disregards the rights and feelings of others. They may use abusive behavior to achieve their goals without any sense of guilt or remorse. For sociopaths, the rush of manipulating and controlling others can become addictive, leading to a cycle of abusive behavior and exploitation. Sociopaths can use their charm and charisma to exert dominance and control over their intimate partners.

 

They often show little regard for the emotional and physical well-being of their partners and may engage in emotional abuse, manipulation, and physical violence to maintain their power. The motivation behind their abusive behavior may be the pleasure of exerting control and domination over their partner, and they may be willing to go to great lengths, including criminal activities, to achieve their desires. ​

Seeking Personal Gain, Power, and Pleasure

Psychopaths lack empathy and remorse, using abusive behavior to exert control over carefully selected victims for personal gain, power, or pleasure. They are often master manipulators who use mind games, emotional manipulation, and other tactics to influence their partners and achieve their goals. Their lack of empathy and remorse makes it easier for them to abuse their partner without feeling any sense of guilt or remorse.

 

Carefully selecting their victims based on perceived vulnerabilities, psychopaths use abusive behavior to assert their control over them. Unlike sociopaths, who are often more impulsive, psychopaths may plan their abusive behavior carefully. They may use their charm to influence others into fulfilling their desires, which can include financial gain, power, or pleasure. ​

 

Psychopaths are often manipulative and calculating, exploiting others for their own personal gain. They exert control over their victims, reducing them to mere puppets that they manipulate and dominate. Overall, psychopaths abuse their partners in a pathological, abusive way because they lack empathy and remorse and are motivated by personal gain, power, or pleasure. ​ It's important to recognize the signs of abuse and manipulation in a relationship and seek help if you suspect you or someone you know is a victim. No one deserves to be treated like a puppet, controlled and dominated by someone else. It's crucial to break the cycle of abuse and reclaim your own power and agency.

Their Underlying Motives

Image by Marco Bianchetti

NARCISSISTS

  1. SEEKING VALIDATION: They seek validation and praise to maintain their self-centered image and use abuse to manipulate and control their partner.

  2. ATTENTION-SEEKING: They crave attention and admiration and may become abusive to obtain a "narcissistic supply" of these things, making them feel powerful and in control.

  3. FEELING ENTITLED: Narcissists feel entitled to special treatment and may use abusive behavior to assert their dominance over their partner.

  4. COPING WITH INSECURITY: They may use abusive behavior to cope with their insecurities and low self-esteem, taking out their frustrations on their partner.

  5. MANIPULATION: Narcissists engage in manipulative behavior to control and exploit their partner for their own benefit, even if it causes harm to their partner.

 

SOCIOPATHS:

  1. LOW EMPATHY: Sociopaths display poor empathy and choose to disregard the rights and feelings of others, often abusing and manipulating them for personal gain.

  2. POWER AND CONTROL: They may use abusive behavior to assert dominance and control over their partner, enjoying the sense of power it brings.

  3. BOREDOM: They may engage in abusive behavior as a way to alleviate feelings of boredom or restlessness.

  4. IMPULSIVENESS: Sociopaths may act impulsively without considering the consequences, leading to harmful or destructive behavior towards their partner.

  5. IRRESPONSIBILITY: They may refuse to take responsibility for their abusive actions and may blame others for their problems or misfortunes.

why do  2

PSYCHOPATHS:

  1. LACK OF EMPATHY: Their lack of empathy and remorse makes it easier for them to abuse their victims without feeling any sense of guilt or remorse.

  2. MANIPULATION: They are often master manipulators  emotional manipulation, and other tactics to influence their victims and achieve their goals. 

  3. SADISM: They may experience pleasure or excitement from causing others pain, and may use abusive behavior to achieve this.

  4. TARGETED ABUSE: They carefully select their victims based on perceived vulnerabilities and use abusive behavior to assert their control over them, reducing them to mere puppets that they manipulate and dominate.

  5. STIMULATION: They may seek stimulation through mind games, to cause confusion and distress. 

bottom of page